Thursday, 29 March 2012

Another fun day

We decided that having had quite a few things on over the last couple of days, we needed to spend more time in the house today, so we kept things free and just had fun at home. We played cars, Kerplunk and Thomas the Tank Engine for several hours, followed by arts and crafts before lunch. We are giving each other an hour off each morning to just take time out to get showered, dressed and faff around for a bit. I caught up on some the paperwork needed for the boys and tidied up the study - which is a room we're limiting their access to for now.

We had a minor melt down over arts and crafts. G and I were both upstairs momentarily leaving the boys to it. They called out for me and I ignored them a few times, before going down to discover the big box of arts and crafts bits had been knocked, spilling the contents everywhere. Rather than tidy up, they were
just shouting for me, so I pointed out that they could have started to clear it up themselves. I asked who did it, to which Joe replied Charlie, and Charlie replied Joe.

When they moved in, we told them we had three rules in our house, 1) Don't do anything that might cause you, or someone else to be hurt, 2) Look after our things and 3) Don't tell lies. I pointed out that someone was lying to me. Again, they kept blaming each other, or claiming no one did it. I reminded them that we don't tell lies in this house, and that one of them must be lying. This continued, and I wasn't sure whether to leave it or pursue, but I felt I had come so far I couldn't back down. This is a tough one, I am very aware we're just supposed to be bonding, so we're trying not to be to picky, but at the same time, we have to maintain some sort of order, and as I had started on this one, and as I really don't like lying, I had to see it through. So I said that I was giving them one more chance to tell the truth, otherwise I would be stopping the arts and crafts session there and then. The counter blame continued, so I took their things out of their hands and cleared everything away, saying how silly this was, because I really didn't care about the stuff getting knocked off the table, that was just an accident, but that I did care about the fact that the person that did it wouldn't be honest with me, as I wanted that person to help Daddy clear it up.

The boys thought they had got off easy I think, so I didn't let it rest. I said that I was giving them one more chance to tell Daddy the truth, and Papa said "I don't want to hear any one say 'he did it' I want to hear someone say 'I did it.' At which point Joe admitted it was him and burst into tears. I picked him up and hugged him, I reassured him that I loved him and that he wouldn't get into trouble for accidents, but that I did think it was unfair to try and get his brother in to trouble and that I did expect him to always tell me the truth. He got quite upset and we had quite a long cuddle.

A little while later, I mentioned that we had a guest this afternoon, Daddy and Papa's social worker (who the boys haven't met before) was visiting at 3pm. Joe got clingy and said he didn't want her to as he didn't like girls as his sisters had been so nasty to him. We discussed the positive women he had known, but that did little to help. I think it shows how one emotion can open up another unrelated one.

I was worried I had gone to far over something fairly minor, but G reassured me that he thought I had done right, and later, our social worker agreed too, so that was a relief.

Our social worker seemed very happy with the way things were going, and said that she thought the boys affection towards us both seemed very natural.

Joe was a bit sad again just before bedtime, I think he's missing the foster carers although he hasn't really mentioned them, and I think he's nervous about his new school. I can't comprehend how he must be feeling with so much change all at once. All we can do is say the right things and cuddle and reassure him, which we're doing in abundance.

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