Sunday, 2 December 2012

Week 38

So, first thing to report this week, is that birth mother did indeed turn up at the adoption order hearing on Tuesday and she is contesting the adoption. We weren't invited to court, but we got a phone call from the boys social worker shortly after the hearing. It was an odd feeling to hear the news, we had been briefed to expect her to do this, but it did leave me feeling quite freaked out nevertheless.

We don't really know the boy's current social worker that well as he's a locum and we've not had much to do with him and he's a man of few words so we didn't feel overly reassured. After a bit of a wobble on Tuesday night I managed to speak to our social worker on Wednesday morning and she put my mind at rest and reassured me that we don't need to be worried. Birth mum has been given two weeks to provide evidence to the court that she can meet the boys needs better than we can. Our social worker reassured me that there couldn't be a judge in the land that could honestly feel that, especially as she's had another son removed in the last year. So the case has been adjourned until the 7th January at which point the judge will make a decision about her evidence. In theory he could issue an adoption order there and then, but it's likely that we'll then wait another couple of weeks for that. They will then schedule the celebration hearing which is the time where we all go to court.

It's a strange set of emotions. A lot of friends have said that she's evil for doing this to the boys now, and that she should just let them get on with their lives, and there is part of me that was angry when I realised she was going to have this final influence on their lives. But in truth, I feel sorry for her. She apparently arrived at court completely on her own on Tuesday, she's not got the background of a strong education, and she faced our two social workers who had a solicitor and a barrister with them. She's just been told that her two daughters are about to have the status of the placement order changed, so she's got to go to court for that  in a few weeks, her youngest son is going to an adoption order hearing in two weeks and here she is in court with the case for our boys today. She doesn't really stand a chance and she's still fighting. She was the worst possible mother any child could have, but I do believe that she still loved the boys and so this must be a really tough time for her, and I suspect she has no support network to help her to deal with it all.

I was in Church this morning and a lady was saying that in a street mission that she was working at, a woman had asked for her prayers, saying the thing she wanted most in life was to have her five children returned to her, all of whom had been removed by social services. I spontaneously cried. I couldn't join with people praying for her to get her dream, because the reality is, even though I don't know her circumstances, I am sure her kids wouldn't have been removed without very good reason, and I wouldn't wish it on her children, but it also backed up my thoughts about how tough it must be on the other side of the fence. The gift of the boys this year has been the best thing that has ever happened to me and G, nothing could be greater, but in our case, our gain is her loss. Don't get me wrong, she in no way deserves them, I've not gone soft, but even so, there are still a lot of different emotions involved in the adoption triad.

In happier news, the boys have had a fabulous weekend. On Friday it was the school disco. Charlie had his first which G went to, and then Joe had his, and I took him and stayed around to help. I did chuckle to myself when I noticed at one point, all the girls were dancing in little groups, almost as if they had their handbags in the middle, and I turned around to notice about 17 boys in a line at the 'bar' lining up the ribenas. Funny how parties won't change much for the next 40 odd years. Well, save for the booze.

We also got a rare night out on Friday whilst cousin Charlie babysat. We met up with some parents from the new reception class and we were delighted to find out that there's a little girl in Charlie's class who is also adopted. There's also a little girl with two mums, it's lovely to think as he grows up, he won't be the different one in his class.

On Saturday I had a rude reminder that hangovers are never going to be the same again! I took Charlie to a birthday party in the morning and then in the afternoon we had a Christmas with a group of great friends.

And today it was my niece and nephew's christening, so we were up in Woking for a 9am service. Waking the boys up at 6.30 on a Sunday morning is not something I plan to repeat, but it was all worth it for a lovely family day and a great party.

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