Sunday, 11 November 2012

Week 35

I finished last week feeling frustrated by the fact that I had got my self wound up over something so silly, and I felt that I handled the situation really badly. I resolved to change my approach, and I really feel that the week has been better as a result. I decided that every time I found myself getting frustrated, I would take a deep breath and try to consciously decide if I really needed to respond. And by and large, I've found it's worked. I've also realised that the quieter my response at times, the more impactful it is on Charlie.

The boys have had a good week, school started back on Tuesday and both of them were happy to return. I think we all enjoy the routine that school brings. Joe in particular really knows the routine now, and he's taking himself off to toilet, wash and dress himself in the morning.

Our social worker called on Tuesday and said that she, and the boy's social worker would like to come and see us on Friday. They brought with them news of a small hiccup in the legal proceedings of the adoption. The boys social worker met with their birth mother last week, ahead of the court hearing which is scheduled for a couple of weeks time, and she has chosen to raise an objection as she's unhappy that the boys have been placed with same sex adopters. She has one final opportunity to prove to the courts that she could better meet the needs of the boys. I fought back the tears when the social worker first said this, the thought of anyone taking my boys away does not bear thinking of. He has reassured us however that in reality there is no chance of her being able to do so, and that he has never known a case where this has happened at this late stage.

Nevertheless, it was a shock to hear that theoretically, there is one more chance for the boys to be subject to such a change. Practically what it means, is that if she does decide to turn up at court, things will be delayed by about a month, as she will given four weeks to produce evidence to the court that she has somehow changed, and that their needs will be better met by her. In the meantime, we've had to produce a statement showing how they have thrived since they arrived here, including lots of photos. Fortunately this has been relatively easy to do as the boys really have made so much progress.

We are reassured that this is a technicality, but it's really made me reflect on just how much the boys mean to me, and despite the occasional frustration, and the massive change in lifestyle, I would not have life any other way.

On Saturday I had a fantastic opportunity to talk to potential adopters at a local open day which was being held as part of National Adoption Week. There were about 50 couples that came to the event, and each couple spent time talking to one of more of the social workers and adopters that were present. I spoke to five different couples, spending about 20 minutes with each.

I can't believe that it was only 18 months ago that we attended an open day ourselves - and now look! Seeing everyone come through the doors, looking as nervous as we felt when we went to ours, I felt such empathy towards them all. I remember feeling that the fact we were attending the open day, having not discussed it with any of our family or friends, felt like we were making the adoption idea a reality. I loved answering questions about adoption, and waxing lyrical about the boys. In truth, I enjoyed being on the other side of the desk, but I also enjoyed feeling a part of these people's journey. And I enjoyed seeing people at the start of their own journeys, knowing that there are more potential parents out there for the many children waiting.

Saturday evening we took the boys to a great local bonfire and fireworks display, before returning home to be joined by friends who arrived for a curry. A night catching up was long overdue and greatly enjoyed.

Today G has been poorly so I've largely been flying solo. Nanny came for lunch, I cooked a roast, a Bakewell tart, and the boys wolfed it down. G went to bed for most of the day, so I took the boys off to the park for a couple of hours. I came back, cleared up the kitchen from the lunch, made tea, bathed and put the boys to bed, getting their uniforms ready, and making the packed lunches. I really don't know how single parents manage!

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