Monday, 23 July 2012

Week 19

I'm a day late posting this week, as this weekend just about finished me off and I was in bed before the boys last night! 

On Sunday G mentioned to me that he felt that he finally 'cracked' Charlie, we had 2 weeks without lots of strops and tantrums. Clearly he must have heard and decided to prove us wrong as this week he went back to melt downs and tantrums. A couple of nights I walked in from work and could see the frustration on G's face, it had been tough I could tell. However as the week went on, thing got better again and by the weekend we seemed back on track with him, for how long we just don't know, it's days on and days off of testing at the moment!

Charlie has suddenly got very clingy, we are getting lots of tears at bedtime when we say goodnight, and a huge break down at nursery drop off every morning. Joe on the other hand has seemed more settled at school drop off's this week.

We had a meeting with Joe's school on Tuesday morning. They have been so supportive of him and of us. They have had a term of getting to know him now, and they have concluded that he's a bright child, but he has no concentration or confidence and he's not trying to work. His frustration is sometimes causing him to lash out with other children, not in a violent way, but he lacks some of the social skills to know how to deal with groups and situations that aren't going his way. They've assigned a SEN Teaching Assistant who is going to be his key adult for now and for the rest of his time at the school. In the new school year she's going to spend 50% of his lesson time with him, and we are really hopeful that this is going to be a big factor in helping him to settle in and learn how to learn. I of course understand why he's not ready to settle and learn yet, but at the same time we of course want only the best for him, and we really hope that he can find a way to reach his potential. It was useful to remind his teachers that there isn't a single person in Joe's life, that he has known since before March of this year, and we should none of us forget how huge that is for a little chap.

This weekend was a lovely weekend. On Saturday Joe headed off to football wearing his football strip and football boots that he got for his birthday. I dropped Joe off and took Charlie for what I had hoped would be a lovely morning in the park. Sadly having queued to buy us both drinks in the park cafe, Charlie sent mine flying all over me within 2 minutes of sitting down, do that cut our park visit short and ended in tears - not quite the start I had hoped for! We went to pick up Joe and headed home for lunch before all heading down to Joe's 6th birthday party.

It was a kind of crazy couple of hours but they all seemed to enjoy themselves and it was fantastic for Joe to have friends around him, celebrating with him. We headed back, laden with presents and had a lovely relaxing evening, playing with new toys.

On Sunday we opened up the house to the sun that had finally decided to join summer, and had some friends to visit, which the boys loved. After lunch we headed off to yet another birthday party. Charlie won the pass the parcel, I was worried he may be upset at winning  a pair of pink plastic high heel shoes, but in fact, he was pleased as punch with them!

Having had a lovely first day of his holiday we had a very emotional bedtime with Joe tonight. Out of no where he suddenly asked about his birth sisters, and asked where they went to school. I talked to him about them and he got very upset, saying that he wanted to see them and that he missed them. I told him it was okay to miss people and he said that he didn't like missing people and he didn't like having to leave people. I reassured him that he would never had to leave his daddy, papa and brother, but he was very upset. It was really hard, he said 'It's not fair daddy' and I couldn't help but agree with him.

I've told him we will try and arrange a chance to see his sisters again, something that was meant to be happening this holiday, but has been delayed because his social worker has gone off sick for a lengthy period. He was ultimately calmed by us and settled down to sleep. I know he'll be fine in the morning, and it's probably a great thing that he's now talking about these feelings, it could well be an indicator that he's more settled and confident with us, that he doesn't fear talking to us about things that are upsetting, but it's still so tough to see him upset and it's a reminder that even though things are going so well most of the time, Joe and Charlie will always be little boys with a tough background that we will have to help them to come to terms with over the years.


  1. Wanted to thank you for keeping this blog going. It's been a most useful insight into some areas of research I'd struggled finding info on, especially your introductions.

    Thanks again

    1. Thanks for your kind message, and I'm glad the blog has been helpful for you. Good luck on your own adoption journey! Dx