Sunday, 11 March 2012

Day three of introductions

On prep group training, I vaguely remember someone saying that introductions week is exhausting and that you should clear the decks for it. I got to the end of day two on a high and really didn't think that was applicable. We've added to the week by filling time when we're not with the boys, finishing off the final bits of decorating and house ready-ing, plus Friday was my birthday and Saturday our anniversary, so we've also gone out with friends both nights. Add to that, the mind whirring nature of the current situation, resulting in very broken sleep, and now, after day three - I see what they mean - I am exhausted! In fact, we got home at 4pm this afternoon, and I've just spend 45 minutes in the bath, and once this blog entry is finished, I'll be off to take my seat on the sofa, where I intend to stay for as long as I can resist bed!

We were up before 6 again, and as we weren't due at the boys until 11 today, we spent the morning nesting. I packed up our most treasured ceramics from the lounge and dining room and put them in the loft, replacing them with cheaper or less breakable options! I varnished some of the toy boxes in Joe's room whilst G carried on with the painting in the hall stairs and landing, a task that is rapidly turning in to a Golden Gate bridge project!

Again, it was all excitement rather than nerves driving over there today. As we were parking on the drive we could see the boys waving through the playroom window to us. We went in and got hugs and kisses, and were guided into the playroom where the foster carers once again left us to it, and we had an hour or so of playing shops and tea parties, skittles and doing jigsaw puzzles. I've now done the same Bob the Builder floor puzzle at least 14 times.....

The boys looked adorable today, Joe even had a little tie on, as today was a trip out to their favourite indian restaurant for lunch! We piled in to the car, the boys each fighting over which dad they would get to sit next to!

The foster carers have been quite strict with the children, and the result is two very well behaved little boys who sat at the table for nearly two hours and behaved impeccably. In fact when Papa took them off to the toilet at one point, the lady on the next table came over to comment how well behaved they were and how wonderful it was to see children enjoying their food so much! I know none of that is my doing, but I do have to admit to feeling a little bit proud!

They eat anything, I was surprised that they didn't flinch at some fairly spicy food - that's wonderful - they can certainly eat curry at our house!!

The boys are both very tactile and that's been great. Physical contact is important for bonding and we didn't expect the level that we're getting so soon. Joe also asked Papa to take care of toileting today and that's another huge sense of relief as there was concerns that he wouldn't feel comfortable with someone else doing personal care. We had lots of hugs and cuddles, and lots of giggles.

Today felt more normal than day one and two. We're starting to see the boys in a more natural state and we're starting to be tested. Of course kids learn by testing boundaries, but their foster carers keep pulling them up saying that they don't do x or y, which they've clearly been trying to get away with with us. Striking the balance is actually very hard, at this stage we're getting to know one another, and we want them to like us, but at the same time, we've got to start as we mean to carry on, and we are taking on a parenting role which is of course different to being a kid's uncle or friend, so we've got to deal with the discipline too and that's not easy. It's even harder when you're still in the company of the foster carers, and I think there's a sense for all of us of having to tread on egg shells a little, even though we are all getting along really well. It's odd to be in someone else's house dealing with what are essentially their children at the moment, and it's hard for them having us in their home, looking after their kids! I think that's going as well as it possibly could though, and fortunately I agree with much of the tactics and standards that the foster carers have set.

We got back to the foster home and just had time to sit and read a couple of stories and watch our DVD again, twice! The boys are exhausted, we are so goodness know how this is affecting them! I think we got a glimpse of reality today, Joe in particular, whilst being very loving and fun for 95% of the session, also had a couple of little strops, and that was a wake up call to the fact that we've got to start parenting and not just playing. It's also an overwhelming reminder of the task at hand, I think we both had a little panic driving home about whether or not we can do a good enough job.

But that's tiredness, a 45 minute bath with some chill out music and then a look at todays photos has soon restored my faith! But I also think we are in a honeymoon period at the moment, with the boys so far loving the fact that these two new grown ups are doing nothing but playing with them. I'm not entirely convinced that they have really taken onboard the fact that next week, we're taking them away from the only place they've ever been loved and cared for, and I don't think that's going to happen without it's challenges.

But now, to the sofa...........

1 comment:

  1. Couldn´t wait to get to a computer to look at pics on facebook and read this blog all the way from sunny Gran Canaria. OMG! they are beautiful young men!! that little tie done it for me... how cute. So pleased it is all going well we have been thinking of you. The photos are lovely, they are both going to fit in perfectly, can´t wait to meet and spoil them, really excited. Love to you both and catch up when we get back. Nikki & Ian xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx